Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
