The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
