You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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