you traded sex for a burrito?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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