I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
