I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
