I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
