she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
