we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
