Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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