If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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