so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
