i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
