Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
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