I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
