My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
