Your tits are I can't wait for
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
