yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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