this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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