You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
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