Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
