I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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