Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
