i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize