Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
