I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
