Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
