Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
