i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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