i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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