Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
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