I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
