even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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