My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
