actually, I'm a sock model
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
