She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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