I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
