The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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