It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
