My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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