whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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