saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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