Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
