Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
