How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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