My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
