I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
