YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize