4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I just blew my weed a kiss
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
