I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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