My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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