I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
