She announced her abortion via fbk
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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