Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
