My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
