regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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