Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
