Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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