we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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