life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
