Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
