Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
