My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
