Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
