is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
