All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
