Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Who died my cat blue again?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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