Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize