Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
